Coping Through Crisis: Community

We are social creatures, there’s no denying that. We need and desire connection. I didn’t always quite understand how such an external factor could have such a powerful influence on our mental and physical health. It’s only recently (1970s) that science began to recognize this as well. I’ve learned about the science behind the power of social support in reading Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond. It’s really made me even more grateful for my community. 

To tell you the truth, I don’t know if I would have included this step in my Coping through Crisis series if it hadn’t been for COVID-19 and the need to quarantine and isolate. These circumstances have greatly exaggerated our need for community and connection. It’s not that I didn’t believe that our relationships were important to mental health before, but I didn’t grasp just how powerful social support truly is.

Our Evolutionary Need for Community

Science has theorized that depression is rooted in an evolutionary response. Back when people lived in tribes, we depended on our community for safety and security in ways that we don’t in modern times. Being a part of the group was basic survival. If you were separated from the group, it was dangerous. So loneliness and depression became a way for the mind to signal to you that you’re under threat and that you need to return to the group (Lost Connections: Why You’re Depressed and How to Find Hope by Johan Hari). 

Nowadays, that’s not how our society works. The way that society functions in the western world, we no longer need to stick with the group in order to survive. Living alone is more common, and more people say they are lonely than ever before. In a 2018 poll, “nearly half of Americans reported sometimes or always feeling alone” (Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond by Lydia Denworth).

And now with COVID-19, with the need to separate ourselves away from the group in order to survive, our evolutionary responses are being thrown for a loop.

Mental Benefits of Social Support

I spent a lot of my life yearning to find the right people so that I could feel like I belonged. For a long time, I believed that with the right community, I would be happy and all my problems with mental health would dissolve. That didn’t happen, but it’s not so far off. I realized recently that the year I got the courage and strength to start making real changes in my life was the same year many of my now closest friendships began to develop. After reading about the stabilizing effects of social support, I believe that the strength and courage I needed to start shifting and taking care of myself was a result of those friendships. Having community made me feel safe enough to begin to step out of my comfort zone and into change. 

The effect that I experienced is called social buffering. Scientists have found that having good social support reduces the effects of stress. Social support, like self care, creates a sense of safety in our mind that in turn helps us become more resilient in the face of adversity.

Think about it this way: if loneliness is a survival response, then isolation keeps you in a state of threat, whereas the opposite – social connection – returns you to a state of security. 

This year, my own need for social support to cope has been so much more pronounced. The first few months of quarantine, my boyfriend and I were very strictly isolating. I thought I was just fine until I finally got to see a couple of my closest girl friends – the weight of relief was undeniable. The pressure from everything had been building and just being in proximity to them released all this pressure.

Finding the Right Social Support

Not all relationships are created equal. I’ve noticed this same effect, but in the opposite way. Certain people cause me to feel more anxiety and fear rather than providing me with a buffer. When looking for social support, think about the people in your life right now. Who gives you that sense of security and safety? Who makes you feel heightened stress and anxiety? Not all relationships can provide social support, so especially right now, it’s so important to be intentional with who you seek for those relationships that can truly help you cope and heal.

Physical Benefits of Social Support

Social support doesn’t just create a sense of safety in our mind; it also affects us down to a cellular level, influencing our physical health. Scientists have been able to prove the power of social support by researching the opposite: isolation. 

Physical Effects of Loneliness

Through several different studies, scientists have shown that “social relationships, or the relative lack thereof, constitute a major risk factor for health - rivaling the effects of well-established health factors such as cigarette smoking, blood pressure, blood lipids, obesity, and physical activity” (Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond by Lydia Denworth). It’s pretty compelling to see social connection in relation to internal health factors that we know affect our physical health. One study’s results even concluded that social isolation doubled the risk of mortality! Whoa!

Further studies into the biology behind these findings have shown that loneliness/isolation affects our bodies on a cellular level and affects our immune system. Studies have shown that inflammation was increased in the loneliest patients, which in turn decreased the effectiveness of our body’s antiviral responses. For example, in a study of AIDs patients (Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond by Lydia Denworth), it was found that closeted gay men got sick and died faster than openly gay men. The social stigma (or social stress) “sped up the pathology of the virus.”

Understanding this, I now see COVID-19 as a double-edge sword. We are isolating from our communities in order to stay healthy and not spread the virus, but at the same time, the isolating effects of quarantine may be lowering our immunity against such a virus!

Social Support in COVID-19

Recognizing the adverse effects of isolation is why I advocate for practicing quarantine but balancing it out with community connection. Find ways that are safe to keep in touch with your loved ones. Plan Zoom dates. Meet up outside. Get tested before any group outings. 

Do not let this pandemic keep you from your community. You need them in order to get through this.

Community is essential to our health.

I have a handful of people that I still see on a regular basis. Some of them I practice social distancing with and wear masks. A couple of them I don’t, but we meet at the park or go for a hike. For me, it’s a balance of feeling safe with my people and maintaining safe practices for mine and others’ health.

A Holistic Approach to Coping through Crisis

Coping through a crisis is about more than just survival. Although that is the initial phase you have to work through, it must be followed by steps to produce healthy physical and mental habits that make it possible for you to process everything going on and thrive in your day to day. It may look different right now, and you may need to make adjustments (some significant ones) to your “normal” routines, but finding a way to cope through any personal or large-scale crisis is so important. I hope this series has been beneficial to you and helped you to develop rituals for restoring balance in your life and finding coping mechanisms that don’t just get you through, but help you heal and grow.

If you haven’t already, be sure to check out the rest of the Coping through Crisis series for further tips and resources to empower your healing and processing in this unprecedented time, or in any future crises you may go through!

Ready to Start Healing?

Now that I have started coaching, I’m so excited to help you heal and cope through the crises in your life. With all the tools, resources, support, and guidance I have gained during the decade of my own healing, I’m here to support you and catalyze your journey!

I’m offering a special highly discounted offer to anyone who is ready to make this change. If that sounds like you, email me with the subject line “I’m Ready!” for a discount on your first three months of coaching with me. Let’s co-create a life that you love and feel inspired by!