ON VULNERABILITY: Being Open with Ourselves & Others

Hi friends,

Today, I want to talk about vulnerability and how it changed my life.

The night that I saw Brene Brown's TED Talk, I was laying in bed, alone and drinking - a new habit I'd found to help numb the pain and bring down the hypervigilant thoughts swirling around my head.

I was struggling with mental health and feeling deeply disconnected from life, from people, and from myself. I had been hurt in the past and vowed to never let myself be hurt again. In response, I hardened my heart and repressed any emotions that felt too scary and overwhelming. 

I falsely believed that vulnerability and emotions were signs of  weakness. I falsely believed that building walls and being guarded would keep me safe from harm. 

Brené opened my mind to a different perspective. She showed me that vulnerability took strength and courage and it is the key to human connection. 

That last bit scared the living shit out of me. I yearned for connection and community more than anything, but my fear of being hurt kept me from letting my guard down. Despite all that I was doing to keep myself “safe,” I still felt lonely and depressed like the joy of life was far out of reach. I was desperate for something different, so I was willing to give this new perspective a try even if just thinking of opening myself up shook me to the core. 

From that day forward, I vowed to show up in life with vulnerability. To face the fear, to shine a light on the shadows, to heal myself and to heal others. At first I practiced in small ways with the people closest to me and then over the years my practice has grown more public with my Instagram, newsletter and blog. 

I say all of this because I have something vulnerable to share with all of you. After many years of seeking answers and healing, this past year through all the turmoil brought me both. 

Last spring as I started my blog, I was just beginning to dig deeper into the realization that what happened in my childhood was trauma. Trying to write my own story triggered me in ways that I had never experienced before. That compounded with the trauma of the global pandemic left me struggling to function. 

Eventually, I had to seek help and found a new therapist. Together, she has helped me sort through the triggers, memories, and emotions. In the fall, I finally received the diagnosis that gave me answers to so many of the health problems I'd been facing over the past decade: PTSD.

I share this because through all my years of practice, I can attest to the power of vulnerability. It alchemizes our pain and suffering from a feeling of loneliness into a shared commonality. It acts like a fertilizer in our relationships - creating deeper and more authentic bonds. And when we feel less alone, we are stronger and more resilient.

If you're struggling with your own trauma, healing and mental health, know that you are not alone. I have been there before and I am right there with you. 

Thank you for continuing to follow me on my journey of healing and thank you for taking me along on your own journey. If you want to read more about the process of conscious transformation, I just released a new blog here. 

Talk soon! Until then, continue growing, stay curious and keep on healing.

Love, Liz