My Journey as a Creative

“And suddenly you know: it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.” Meister Eckhart

Over the last several years, I've been learning to trust in myself, my creativity, and my intuition more and more. But I had to ignore my intuition and get lost before I could learn to listen and trust. It took me a while to work through expectations I had for myself and recognize what I really wanted and pursue it. This is my story of how I became a creative entrepreneur and discovered the freedom of working for myself.

From Artist to Designer

In 2014, I headed to college - a big move from Atlanta to Los Angeles to attend Roski School of Art and Design at USC. I planned on deepening my art practice and honing my skills in hopes of doing something with art after graduating. I went into college thinking my main focus would be drawing and painting, but I left with plans to make it in design. 

I specifically was interested in Experiential Marketing because I interned at Imprint Projects, a boutique agency that created and curated socially and culturally conscious experiences - for me it was the perfect balance of art, design, and social good.

While I was excited about working as a designer, I have to say that there was some real internal conflict around the decision during my senior year. I felt like I had to let go of this dream I had to make art and be an artist - something that I’d been working toward and dreaming about since I was very young. I assured myself that I would be just as happy in design, because I believed this path would be a more lucrative and safe plan. I would still be getting paid to use my creativity and I believed that would be enough. I was trying to be practical, and believing that I could make it as an artist felt too scary and uncertain.

My First Job

My first job out of college, I worked as a graphic designer at a startup branding and marketing agency. It was a very small team - 4 of us in total, all women. I looked up to the three women running the business. For a time I was very fulfilled with my work (although it was not my ideal work). I was the youngest on the team, but my opinion was valued - in fact - we took on one of our biggest projects, The Amber Rose SlutWalk, because I was so passionate and invested in the feminist cause.

I grew and learned a lot during this time, but there were downsides to the experience. Unfortunately, my bosses didn’t understand the value of design. My work was undervalued (and as a result, I began undervaluing myself too). They wanted high-quality design, but fast and cheap - a recipe for burnout.

As I adapted to these high expectations, I completely lost my personal creative practice and lost myself in working and creating solely for others. Up until this time, creating had always been for me and driven by my own creative desires and needs, so this was an adjustment that I had not foreseen. 

Throughout my time at this job, I was super depressed - as a result of the job's demands (as well as unacknowledged childhood trauma) -  and my intuition told me if I started making again, things would get better. So I began creating for myself again.

Rekindling my Creativity

It was hard at first, and I battled with a lot of self-doubt. Then over the holidays at my parents house, I rediscovered a book that was given to me years earlier for my high school graduation: Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way Everyday: A Year of Creative Living. It was just the kind of daily encouragement I needed to rekindle my creative practice. And things began to get better, little by little. 

I finally got the courage to leave my first job - something my intuition urged me to do for months. Not long after, I found a new job through an old friend at another startup agency - this time in web design and development. Although web design was not my first choice, it was a good job that paid me well with a small team located in Massachusetts. I was still located in Los Angeles, so this job was remote for me. Adapting to working from home was a challenge that I eventually figured out, but it was difficult because I didn’t have the best work boundaries and still struggled with devaluing my work and worth. 

On the upside, the owner of the agency gave us one day a week of paid hours to work on passion projects. This was a true gift for me! I had begun developing my creative practice again, but adapting to a new job once again distracted me from my personal practice. I was still working on my self worth and finding the motivation and inspiration to create for myself, but now I was getting PAID to play around and make whatever I wanted. It was a game changer. During this time I began my pet portrait series and to teach myself hand lettering. Although the time spent at this job was short (less than a year), this gift helped me to cement my creative practice into my regular routine.

Some of my friends and several people that I graduated from college with had started Instagrams and businesses years earlier and were seeing success. That made me believe that if they could do it, so could I. I started allowing myself to dream again and started my Instagram. I hoped one day I could grow a big enough following to start my own shop, but for now I was overwhelmed just learning the ins and outs of posting and continuing to develop my creative practice.

My Last “Real” Job

My last job was the job that I thought would skyrocket my design career and take me forward in my goal to work in experiential design (spoiler alert: it didn’t). It was another start up agency specializing in experiential field marketing. I really enjoyed the people I worked with, but the work itself, not so much. Just months after I began working with this team, it didn’t feel right (my intuition was poking and prodding me once more), but I was loyal to my team, plus I didn’t have any work to add to my portfolio, so I felt stuck.

Do you see a pattern happening here?? I stayed at this last job for almost two years, hoping that we would land a big client that would change everything and make it all better. After much frustration with long hours and agency culture (which was hindering my own self care and healing journey), I decided that I would leave at the end of the summer (our busy season), but instead fate intervened. Budgets were cut, I was let go, and I was so grateful! 

Benefits of Working for Myself

Now, I’ve been working for myself for a little over a year. I’m so much happier now that I have control over which projects I accept and client communication. It’s been a huge growing and learning experience, but it’s worth being able to set my own boundaries and do what I love.

I give myself very flexible work hours, which has allowed me to seamlessly integrate my self care into my life and take care of all the many health concerns I’ve had over the past several years. I finally feel free and able to prioritize my health and take care of myself the way that I need, since I’m no longer bound to someone else’s schedule or perception of my worth.

Also, I’ve been able to take time for personal projects that I’ve wanted to prioritize for a while. I finally started my blog, which my intuition directed me to plan for during my previous job, but I didn’t have the time. Now that I finally made the time, it’s been another huge learning and growth experience for me. Earlier this year, I released Surviving Childhood Trauma: My Story Pt. 1. In writing out my story, I found a greater understanding of my trauma. I could no longer deny that what happened to me was trauma that was still heavily impacting me today, which led me back to therapy.

The path I took toward my goals and dreams wasn’t straightforward, but these other experiences were so valuable for helping me accumulate knowledge and skills and confidence along the way.

Listening to my Creative Intuition

Now I’ve learned that when my creative intuition speaks, I listen. It told me to leave my jobs, and although it took me a while to finally listen, it's the best thing I could have done for my worth, growth, and health. My intuition told me to write a blog, and now I have my PTSD diagnosis. And now, it's telling me it's time to finally make one of my dreams a reality…

I’m Launching my Shop!

I'm very excited to announce that I will be launching a shop where you can buy prints, paintings, and other products. Since starting my Instagram, one of my main goals has been to see my art bring others joy in their lives and in their homes. For a while now, I've been holding myself back because I didn’t think I had the metrics to make it a success. I was holding myself back because I was afraid I wouldn't succeed or that time would be wasted on making what I want to make. I was holding myself back because of ideas of what success should look like, measured by someone else's values. But I’m not letting that keep me from it any longer!

In the couple of months, I will be closing out of Society6 and Etsy and moving my shop here, onto my personal website. The launch date will be early January, as I'm working away on some original paintings and down the line stickers, enamel accessories, and more. I hope to create a shop that reflects my values of social good, sustainability, and spreading joy and wellness in the world.