Breaking Through Fear: The Transformative Benefits of Asking for Help When You're Hyper-Independent

I’ve always been resistant to asking for help, but last year forced me to do it again and again. As I pursued full-time self-employment and worked on my mental health, I found myself needing more support than ever before. At first, this was a huge obstacle because it triggered past wounds and deep-seated fears. But in the end, it became an incredibly transformative learning experience.

How Hiring Help Can Reduce Stress and Boost Productivity

Even before the pandemic, I was in a session with my friend and fellow coach, Melina Charis. She encouraged me to hire a virtual assistant to ease the anxiety and overwhelm I was feeling around communication and social media. So, before COVID, I hired a wonderful VA, Hannah Donor. But once the pandemic hit, despite her support, I still felt completely overwhelmed.

A big reason for this struggle? Asking for help wasn’t my natural inclination. In fact, it was incredibly triggering. I had internalized the belief that I had to do everything on my own—that asking for help was a weakness. This, I later realized, was a trauma response. As a child, I had learned that I couldn’t depend on anyone, that I was too much of a burden. So, even when I had assistance, the simple act of delegating triggered anxiety and fear.

With the help of coaching and deep self-work, I started to untangle these beliefs and reframe my relationship with asking for help.

Why Seeking Professional Support is Essential for Mental Health

In the spring of 2020, I overloaded my plate. Between maintaining my blog, running my design and marketing agency, and serving my clients, I was juggling far too much. At the same time, I was trying to cope through crisis of the pandemic and process my past trauma. One of my first blogs shared my childhood story, and writing it was almost re-traumatizing—it stirred up internal conflict between wanting to be honest about my experience and wanting to protect the privacy of those involved.

By the summer, I was completely burned out. In a conversation with my sister, she recognized how depleted I was and encouraged me to find a therapist.

I had sought therapy before, but my previous therapist hadn’t recognized the abuse and trauma in my experiences, which left me feeling invalidated. This time, I knew I needed a trauma-informed professional. I used the Psychology Today therapist search tool (highly recommend!) and found someone who had read The Body Keeps the Score, a book that had helped me begin to understand my own trauma. This led me to my current therapist, who I’ve now been working with for over a year and a half.

The Power of Community: How Friends Can Support Your Journey

In addition to professional support, I had to bring in a friend to help me manage my Marketing and Design agency.

1. The workload was simply too much for one person to handle.

2. I no longer had the capacity—mentally or physically—to work at the pace I once did.

I was beginning to feel the toll of both past trauma and the stress of the pandemic, which made even day-to-day tasks difficult. My client had no idea I was struggling, and I hadn’t told them that I brought someone on to help. But they loved the work we were producing and kept sending more. And in my people-pleasing nature, I didn’t know how to say no! So I just kept saying, Yes, of course! I can handle it.

Beyond work, I was juggling deep emotional processing, and I had to keep asking for help again and again—from my partner, from my friends, from my community. Every time I felt triggered or overwhelmed, I asked myself what I needed. And the answer was almost always: Ask for help.

By relying on the people around me, I learned something powerful—I wasn’t too much of a burden. I could depend on others.

Transparency in Business: Why Being Honest with Clients Matters

Eventually, I had to be upfront with my client about my situation. After about three months of working with my friend behind the scenes, I realized the workload wasn’t slowing down, and I needed to have a conversation.

Since the company was a wellness brand, I felt fairly confident that the culture would be supportive, but I was still nervous. I scheduled a meeting and told my client the truth—I had hired extra help because I was struggling with my mental health.

Her reaction? Relief. She had assumed I was calling to quit! Instead of judging me, she respected me more for taking the initiative to ensure my responsibilities were covered and for being upfront about my well-being.

Why Am I So Afraid to Ask for Help? Overcoming Fear and Hyper-Independence

For those of us with trauma, asking for help can feel terrifying. The fear of being a burden, of seeming incapable, or of being rejected runs deep. But here’s the truth: We are designed for community. We need each other. When we refuse to ask for help, we deny ourselves one of our most basic human needs—connection and support.

I’ve seen firsthand how seeking help has transformed my life. It has led to profound healing, growth, and success in ways I never could have imagined.

Take the Next Step: How Coaching Can Support Your Growth

Whether you’re working through past trauma, looking to level up your business, or simply seeking more balance and support in your life, I’m here to help.

I still have a few spots open in my 1:1 coaching containers—if you’re curious, email me to schedule a discovery call and ask any questions about how I can support you. Or, if you’re ready to dive in and make big shifts, let’s schedule a discovery call.

You don’t have to do it alone. Let’s create the life you love—together.