Why It’s Important to Ask for Help

I’ve always been resistant to asking for help, but last year forced me to do it again and again. I was growing and pursuing full-time self-employment, and I was healing and working on my mental health, but these experiences led me into a space of needing more support, which at first was a huge obstacle because it triggered past wounds and shadows. In the end, it became an incredibly transformative learning and growing experience.

Here are 3 key ways I asked for help in the last year and how it led to further growth and success:

1. Hiring Help for My Business

Even before the pandemic hit, I was in a session with my friend and fellow coach, Melina Charis. She   encouraged me to hire a virtual assistant to help me because I was having so much anxiety and triggers around communication and social media. So before COVID I hired a wonderful VA, Hannah Donor...but once covid hit, despite the support she was giving me, I felt totally overwhelmed.

A big part of the reason I struggled even though I had her help was because asking for help is not my natural inclination. In fact, asking for help was hugely challenging and triggering. Believing that you have to do it on your own and that you can’t ask for help is a trauma response. Through adverse experiences, I had learned as a child that asking for help was a weakness, that I couldn’t depend on anyone for help and that I was too much of a burden on others. So, even though I had assistance, just asking her to do something for me induced anxiety and fear.

I’ve worked through many of those fears and anxieties with coaches and shared about my experiences in this blog.

2. Seeking Help from a Medical Professional

In the spring of 2020, I overloaded my plate (per usual, letting my overachiever part predict how much I could take on). Keeping up with the blog and simultaneously running my design and marketing agency and serving those clients was more than enough to juggle. But, I was also trying to cope through crisis and deal with all of the newness and anxieties that came with the pandemic.

Piled on top of that, I was just beginning to process the fact that I’d been through trauma, and one of my first blogs was my childhood story, which was almost re-traumatizing to write because it was such an internal conflict and tension. I wanted to say the right thing, be honest with my experience, but also protect the privacy of those involved.

Needless to say, I was stressed to hell. I made it through a few months, not really sure how, but eventually by the summertime I was totally burned out. In a conversation with my sister, she recognized how run down I was feeling and encouraged me to find a therapist to support me in understanding my trauma.

I had sought help from my previous therapist six months prior, however, since she did not recognize the abuse or trauma in my circumstances, I did not have an active therapist to support me. So the suggestion from my sister was just the push I needed to seek new support.

I use the Psychology Today therapist search engine (highly recommend this tool if you’re looking for a new therapist!) to find someone who was trauma-informed and who had specifically read the book The Body Keeps the Score because it had helped me begin to understand what I've been through. I found my current therapist who I’ve been working with for about a year and a half.

3. Asking for Help from Friends

Additionally, I had to hire a friend to start helping me with all of the work in my Marketing and Design agency, because 1. There was just no possible way for one person to complete all of the work that was being asked of me, and 2. I did not have the capacity to work at any level that I had in the past. I was beginning to feel lots of physical and mental effects from the trauma of my past and the trauma of the pandemic, which resulted in me not being able to function in day-to-day tasks.

My client was totally unaware of my mental state or that I had to bring someone on to help me complete all of the work, but she was loving what we were producing. So the work kept rolling and they just wanted to keep giving me more and more and more, and in my people-pleasing way I had no fucking idea how to say no! So I said “Yes, Of course! I can do that. It would be my pleasure.”

All of these new responsibilities were not only more things that I needed to do, but also were triggering my wounds with being an authority. I needed to communicate a lot with both my client’s team and my friend who was working with me, which was incredibly triggering.

So I was juggling a lot and feeling a lot and I had to keep asking for help again and again.

Every time I would begin to feel triggered, I would ask myself what I should do, and the best answer was always to ask for help. I had to ask my partner and my friends for help and emotional support. I was navigating intense emotions and balancing so much, by relying on them, I learned and experienced that I wasn’t too much of a burden and that I could depend on others.

4. Asking for Help from my Client

Eventually I had to step up and tell my client that I was struggling and that I had hired a friend to help.

After about 3 months of working with my friend without my client’s knowledge, it didn’t seem like the work was going to slow down anytime soon, so I decided to set a meeting with her to fill her in. Since the company was a wellness brand, the culture was very nurturing and female-led, and the overall atmosphere and effect of the pandemic on all of us, I felt pretty sure that the news would go over fine, but I still felt a little nervous. Once I got on the phone with her, I came clean. I told her that I had to hire extra help to get the work done, not just because it was too much for me to complete, but also because I was struggling with my mental health. I felt totally relieved and so did she! She thought that I was calling to quit and this news didn’t make her look down on my ability at all. In fact, she respected me all the more for taking the initiative to 1. ensure all my responsibilities were covered and 2. for being upfront with her about what I was going through. 

Asking for Help is NOT Weakness

Asking for help is scary and overwhelming, especially when you have trauma telling you to just do it yourself and not burden others with your problems. As I explained in my Coping through Crisis series, we are designed for community! We NEED each other! If we can’t ask for help, we are denying ourselves that basic human need for connection and love and support.

I have seen how seeking help and support has transformed my life and led to so much healing and growth. I have experienced first-hand the positive effects of co-creating a life that I love with the help of loved ones and experts.

I want you to experience the same conscious transformation in your own life! Whether you’re working through past trauma, hoping to level up your business, or seeking overall wellness and mindful living, I’m ready to come alongside you to co-create a life you feel inspired and fulfilled by. I still have a few spots left in my Special Coaching Offer, you can email me to find out more and schedule a discovery call to ask questions you have about how I can help you grow and reach your goals both personally and professionally! Or if you’re ready to make big SHIFTS happen, you can fill out the application here.