Unapologetically Naked: Cultivating Body Love

Loving your physical self is not easy for any of us. Whether it’s your weight, your height, your hair, or something else, we all have at least one or two insecurities. It’s important to be vulnerable with your physical body because feeling safe in and feeling love for your body is the first step toward feeling safe and confident to be your full, authentic self.

My Body Love Journey

Growing up, I was always a little overweight. My body type was never meant to be thin, but I carried a little something extra too. My family has big butts and thick thighs. For a long time, I felt so ashamed of my body - a combination of shame passed down from my mother and reinforced by society.

In the early years of my life, I noticed the lack of curvy, full-bodied women in entertainment and media, but at that time I didn’t understand it as a lack of representation, I understood it as, Your body is wrong. Your body is gross. Your body shouldn’t be looked at.

I remember one summer feeling so empowered and accepted the first time I heard the song “Baby Got Back.” My babysitter put it on one afternoon and we danced in the kitchen. I finally felt seen and accepted for my body. It was news to me that someone might find my body attractive and not disgusting like the way I felt when I looked at myself in the mirror. The song didn’t magically change my body image, but it began to open my mind to other perspectives.

It wasn’t until my college years that I really committed myself to loving my body. My junior year, I decided that I was finally gonna lose weight. I thought it would make me happier. I mean ALL the doctors kept telling me losing weight was the answer to all my problems (spoiler alert! It wasn’t, and the medical industry needs to stop putting everything on weight).

In the end, losing weight gave me a little extra confidence, but it didn’t really affect my overall mental health. So as misguided as my intentions to focus on losing weight were, I had at least zeroed in on a new perspective around it. I realized that the shame I felt about my body and the shame I hurled at myself after breaking my diet was absolutely not working. It was making it worse.

Making a Sustainable Change

I vowed then that in addition to making changes in my eating habits and exercise, I would practice body love. I would get in front of the mirror, look at my naked body, and take it in with love. I would remove toxic body messages, like refusing to join a group of friends watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show because I knew it would only make me feel bad about my body. I  replaced those messages with positive and affirming ones (shout out to Tess Holiday for being her full-bodied, beautiful self!)  I didn’t overly restrict my diet, and when mistakes and fast food happened, I showered myself with compassion, not shame.

It was these practices that helped me to sustain the exercise and eating habits and I lost the weight. I didn’t reach my “target,” but I was so proud of myself for sticking with it. I felt so much better in my body that the numerical goal didn’t matter. Finally, I’d found a method that loved my body, cared for my mental health, and created sustainable change.

Embracing My Sexiness

I’ve always felt really separate from my “sexiness.” I have a real block there stemming from my religious upbringing and the shame it created around sexuality and sensuality. So in truth, I never think about myself as “sexy,” and it makes me uncomfortable to have other people, even my partner, perceive me as sexy.

Now that doesn’t stop me from showing off my body, but that comes from a place of body love and being free with my body. I will wear revealing clothing at festivals, but often it’s masked by presenting myself as cute or in costume. I was never comfortable with the idea or identification with “I’m sexy. I’m a sexual being.”

And as many of you know - I LOVE to dance. I have no qualms about busting a move and getting down. But again, in my mind, it’s never framed as sexy - it’s about movement and liberation.

In the last few years, I was blessed to be connected with Fe, the founder and creator of Sacred Twerks, which I had the honor of creating the branding for. When I started going to the events, I came for movement and self love, but it’s taken some time for me to lean into sensuality and how powerful getting in touch with that truly is. Fe creates a space to explore your sensuality in terms of your own power. She’s inspiring with her unapologetic presentation. The event series has given me a safe space to explore and to look a little more closely at my shame in this area.

For a recent virtual Sacred Twerks event, I got a nudge to dress up for the occasion – to put on something that made me feel sexy (something Fe always encourages.) So I threw on some black spandex booty shorts, black thigh-high tights with garters, and a crop top. Truthfully, I felt a little silly, but I thought, Hey, why not play a little and let go? During the class I could see myself in the zoom video gyrating and shaking all of my flesh. At first it was hard to look at, not because I found my body disgusting like in the beginning of my body love journey, but because I was afraid to relate myself with the image I saw - a sexual being.

Despite the fact that I lovingly accept and welcome all forms of self-expression for those around me, I was unable to give myself the same judgment-free acceptance. I was limiting my multidimensional self image from including someone who is sexy and confident. I was keeping myself stuck in a box as the shy timid girl who doesn't ask for attention.

As I watched myself, I saw a lot more confidence than I felt as everyday Liz. That woman in the zoom knows her power. And with that, I knew this was part of the work of unlearning and healing. I needed to accept the fullness of my expression and step into confidence in order to embody my power.

The Real Purpose of Body Love

In the end, it's not really about feeling sexy. It’s not about having the perfect body or just accepting what you have to work with. It’s not about how others see you or how others tell you that you should look or feel or be. It’s about confidence, and it’s not about your presentation for anyone but yourself. It’s about you.

If you’re ready to start your own journey toward self-love and vulnerability, we are getting closer and closer to the start of the Vulnerability Challenge and I’d love for you to join me!

Sign up below for the 5-day challenge, starting September 9th!