January Reflections: HOLDING SPACE FOR CHANGE

Happy New Year! I hope this note finds you well.

I’m writing this on the tail end of quarantining. (Omnicron got both my partner and I). We’re grateful it was mild. I didn’t even get symptoms which means I’m extremely well rested (grateful for that too!)

I’ve been having trouble starting this note to you all and I realized it’s because I’m feeling a bit split.

On the one hand, I just love the new year! It always gives me such energy and renewed hope. Do you get excited too?

This time of year is special to me because it sparks and supports so much of my healing and growing. A new opportunity has been given to us to begin again, to dream of something new, to plan for it (loosely!) and start the inspired actions to make that dream into a reality.

There’s a huge part of me living and celebrating that! I’ve been reflecting and journaling and making a visual sign with my goals for 2022. If you’re still looking ahead and thinking about your 2022, I created a guide for Setting Goals and Intentions to share my yearly ritual for value-aligned living. You can read a blog post with tips for sustainable change and download the guide here.

The past few years have been huge for my healing journey in uncovering my C-PTSD. I am learning so much and there is so much that I want to share with you all (all in due time!) You see, the primary trauma behind my C-PTSD is still very current and present in my life, so it is difficult to find the words when I am constantly processing new information.

After a recently triggering and disregulating event, it feels like I’ve taken a huge step back even though I know that this process is not linear. So, on the other hand, there’s a part of me feeling very stuck and scared as I continue to feel the lingering after effects of trauma like trouble focusing, cyclical hypervigilant thinking and feeling easily overwhelmed by stress.

I got lots of practice in 2020 and 2021 learning how to hold space for multiple emotions. I’ve learned that it is possible to feel so many conflicting things at once. I’ve learned that there’s so much beauty, vulnerability and strength in being able to feel and hold space for it all. I’m still learning how fully enjoy the discomfort of living in the paradox.

So, here I am with one foot looking forward and one foot stuck in the past. When I started my healing journey, I thought that the goal was to heal myself so that I don’t have be stuck in the past anymore, so that I could move on from the past. But the longer I am on this journey, the more I have realized that it’s not about getting to a point when you’re no longer stuck in the past, it’s about getting comfortable straddling the two worlds.

It’s about learning to be with the good and the bad, the past and the present, the joy and the sorrow. It’s about accepting all of it.

I’m still working on it, but it sure is easier to work on it together in community with others like yourself! And that is one of the thing’s that I am most excited for in 2022: to connect, grow, and heal more with you all.

I’m planning lots of opportunities for us to come together and do just that! Starting with my upcoming IG Live series where we can come together for 10 minutes every Wednesday at 1PM PST to learn and meditate together. The first one starts this week: January 5th!

I designed this series in response to your poll answers about meditation where I heard that it’s challenging to develop and deepen your practices due a busy, distracted mind. I hear you! I struggle with that myself. I had meditation on my New Year resolutions for 3 years before I committed to a consistent practice.

A busy mind is a ubiquitous symptom of our modern (capitalist, consumerist, convenience-obsessed) society, but also a reaction to trauma. So, if you’ve noticed this more about your mind since the pandemic that makes sense, your mind, body and nervous system are in hyperdrive due to stress, fear & burnout.

So, I decided to bring you the tools that helped me: learn focal meditation techniques, incorporate simple breathwork techniques, and support through weekly community accountability. I'm so excited to launch this series and hope to see you there tomorrow! If not, catch the replay on my Instagram feed.

Lastly, if you're interested in working with me one-on-one, I have a 3-month coaching container at the discounted price of $1500. This limited time offer is going to end soon. I've been feeling it out how long to offer this discounted price (full price is $3000) and I think it's time is running short. So - if you've been eyeing this opportunity and feeling the pull that you're ready for more growth, the new year is the perfect time! Act soon - this offer won't be available by March 2022.